Discover great books for your sexual well being

I have discovered my new career in writing erotica, as many of you may know. Along the way, I have done some interesting reading. I will share some of the books that helped me along my journey from being a fairly unhappy married woman to be the strong, independent, smart, sexy woman I am now.

Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert

This is a beautiful book about a woman who, after a painful divorce, goes on a year-long journey of self-exploration. She learns to eat in Italy. She learns to pray in India. And she learns to love again in Indonesia. I loved reading this book as I went through my own divorce. I paced myself to read only 6 chapters a day (since the book is written like the prayer beads which have 108 beads in sets of 6). I read it slowly to savor each part and really understand it. Several parts caught me completely off guard and I found myself crying in a restaurant while reading. In the process, I learned a lot more about myself and what I wanted in the world.

Love Without Conditions: Reflections of the Christ Mind by Paul Ferrini

Although this has a religious title, the author makes the point that he is not talking about Christianity primarily. He looks at the subject from other religions as well. The basic premise is that we can't really love other people unconditionally until we learn to love our own selves unconditionally. That is very difficult, of course. That means accepting that even though we may not have the perfect body, or the perfect job, or the perfect skills, we are worth loving. When you are able to really love your self, loving others is easy!! It just follows. You understand that they are not perfect (any more than you are) and you can just accept them as they are. This was also a very healing book for me.

A New Earth and The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

I read these books in reverse order. The Power of Now was written first, but it doesn't really matter which order you read them. They are both about learning to be Present, realizing that you can't live in the past (you can't change what has already happened) and you can't live in the future (always hoping that things will change and then, maybe, you'll be happy). You only have Now!! You can choose to accept situations, people, events, or enjoy them, or even be enthusiastic about them (sort or enjoyment with a higher purpose- you want to share it with everyone). If you are not in one of those three places, you may need to step back and figure out why you are there!! You can't always change the situation, but you may be able to change your attitude about them. This also helped me understand how to have relationships with people again. When I am with someone (sexually or non-sexually), I can ask myself questions. Am I hurting anyone? Am I hurting myself or letting myself be hurt? Am I enjoying what I'm doing? Am I Present- am I accepting the person I am with just as they are right then, not expecting them to be anything other than who they are at that time, not expecting the situation to be anything other than what it is at that moment? If I can answer those questions correctly (and honestly), I feel I am doing okay!

Sex with the Lights On: 200 Illuminating Sex Questions Answered by Ducky Doolittle

I've mentioned this book several times. I think she has such a refreshing approach to teaching us all about sex. Even if we thought we already knew it all!! Ducky Doolittle has a wealth of information, well-researched, interesting, and entertaining. This should definitely be the Sex Education for this millennium!! I want to be like her when I grow up!!

Learning to Fall: The Blessings of an Imperfect Life by Philip Simmons

One of the wonderful advantages of meeting a lot of different people with different backgrounds, cultures, sexualities, etc. is that you learn about other people's favorite books. This one was suggested (indirectly- he mentioned it in his dating profile) by a friend (we started as lovers and decided to be friends) who was widowed several years ago. He said it saved his life. I think it is a great book for anyone going through any kind of loss or change (including divorce). The book is a series of vignettes by Philip Simmons who learned in his 30's that he had ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) and had only a few years to live. He set out to live as fully as he could in the time he had. He writes about some of his experiences and the lessons he learned. He helps us all realize that we have a limited amount of time to live and we should learn to live our Imperfect Lives as best as we can!! It is also about giving up some of the ideas and things that we hold too tightly, which don't allow us to grow and live as we can. This was another book that found me crying in restaurants while reading it, but loving the thoughts.

Kama Sutra by Tracey Cox

If you've never heard of Tracey Cox, you have really missed a lot. Tracey is a British (though she has lived in Australia) sex-educator/author. She was in a British show, "The Sex Inspector", which was a reality show about couples with sexual problems. Tracey, and her co-host, Michael Alvear, starred in this amazing show where they actually went into people's homes, videotaped them having sex, gave them pointers, and discussed techniques (such as how to do oral sex well) and communication skills. Only on British TV!!! (Though, we were lucky enough to see the series in the US for a couple of seasons). Since then, she has written several books, including Hot Sex, a very complete sex education book. The Kama Sutra has a long history of teaching people how to make love, how to redefine sex in your life (it's not all about orgasm-driven intercourse), and experience a whole different level of sensual delights. Although typically Kama Sutra books are very tradition with Eastern drawings of people in impossible poses, Tracey has decided to put a different spin on it. Her somewhat irreverent (but very charming) discussions include very modern, very hot photographs of real people in real positions. Even if you don't read the book, the photographs are very artistic and make this a beautiful book to look at.

The Sleeping Beauty Novels: The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, Beauty's Punishment, Beauty's Release by A. N. Roquelaure (a pseudonym for Anne Rice)

In my journey, I began to explore the idea of using bondage and submission as a way to enhance my sex life. I read some stories, watched some videos, and wrote my own story (My Adventures in Wonderland- A Story of Bondage and Submission). A friend (I really do have some great friends!!) recommended that I read this series. OMG!! This is the traditional Sleeping Beauty story, with a major twist!! Beauty is awakened, not by merely a kiss, but by a deflowering by the Prince. She becomes his sex-slave and learns to love being submissive to him. There is all the intricacy of a complex BDSM relationship set in a mythical kingdom. Wow!! I've only made it through the first book, and then I had to take a break to cool off!!! I started reading the book at lunch one day (I read a lot in restaurants!). I could see where it was going, but it wasn't too intense yet. Later in the day, as I waited for my appointment with my therapist (poor man!!), I started reading it again. I became completely entranced in the story. I was considerably aroused- mind and body!! I fell into the story, imagining myself in Beauty's place, being led naked through the kingdom, being tied down in front of all of the palace residents, including her peerage (the other princes and princesses which she would normally associate with), her body exposed and her mind racing. Amazing!!! Of course, my therapist called me into my appointment at that time, and it took me several minutes to compose myself (while he explored how I felt and why I felt this way!). So, unless you have a very understanding therapist (which I do), you may want to read this book (the whole series) in the privacy of your own home, or with a partner!! It is very hot!!

The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt

Another book recommended by a friend, I am still reading this one. This is absolutely the best book written to explore open relationships and sexual freedom. The original one was written in 1997, and I believe a new, revised edition is coming out next Spring. I feel like if I had known then what I know now, I could have written parts of this book!!! It completely supports some of my own thoughts about my journey. At the same time, I keep learning something new from these two amazing ladies. (I'll probably be sharing more about that later). Interestingly enough, the book starts with the idea that you need to love and accept yourself, before you can love and accept others in an open relationship (of whatever type). Sound familiar? There is a lot of discussion on how to make relationships work- whether you are talking about just having a 2 person relationship (of any sexual orientation) or a multi-person, multi-sexuality, multi-cultural relationship. There is also discussion about the destructive forces which can affect those relationships- including jealousy, judgmental feelings, our own pasts (and those of our partners), and a failure to communicate well. This book should probably be required reading for anyone wanting to make any relationship better!!