Sexual Etiquette

The basic rules of sexual etiquette are easy- Respect everyone. It's the details that seem to confuse some people.

Above all, the first rule of sexual relationships, at whatever level, is "NO means NO". Now, this one seems beyond obvious, but there are still people who have trouble with it. No means No the first time, not "I really want you to keep pressuring me in some vain hope that I will change my mind". Not "I want you to ask me why I said no, over and over again". Not "I don't really know what I mean". No just means Stop, Move away, Don't do what you are doing or were about to do, I don't want that! Now, on the other side of the equation, if you are the one saying "No", mean it!! Don't say "no" like you want to be convinced or you don't really know what you want. If that's really the case, say that. It can be okay to say, "I'm not really sure if I want to do that, but I'm willing to try it if you will understand that I might change my mind. Are you okay with that?" You can also say "I don't know if I want to do that. Let me hear your idea and then I'll decide." You get the idea. Say what you mean, mean what you say!!

That being said, why is it so hard for some people to understand it. If a person sends you a request to "Add me as a friend" and you don't want to be their friend (for whatever reason you have-it could be the fact that you had a horrible time with them once or you just don't like how they look) and you decline the invitation, why the fuck would a person keep sending you friend requests?? And then, when they keep sending the request and you finally send a note, politely, of course, saying "I'm sorry I'm not interested", why the hell would they send you another request again?!!! REALLY!! People, pay attention! If they decline, that's it. Leave them alone, go find someone else, move on!! I'm not the kind of lady to tell someone to fuck off, but I have seriously considered it a few times.

Further corollaries to the rule, don't go to a party you are not invited to! Again, this should seem obvious, but I've heard at nearly every party, someone will show up who isn't invited and frequently is not wanted there. They may come with an invited guest (without the host actually knowing until they show up) or they may just get the party details and decide to crash the party. Not a good idea. It's simply good manners to ask the host if you can come. If they say no (or seem to be politely declining), then you are not invited. That's it. If you crash a party and you are not invited, you may be asked to leave, no matter how hot you think you are. If you make a habit of it, you may be banned from the group. If the party is for couples only, and you are a single guy, you'd better have a partner by the time you get there (or have made arrangements with the hosts).

Okay, since I'm on the subject of the invitations, if you are the host/hostess, you definitely have the right to invite whomever you choose to your party. But it always helps if you can give as much information to the invited guests. Always give clear instructions to the location and send an email to all the invited guests with a phone number or other contact information in case people get lost, want to know about bringing the aforementioned uninvited guest, have questions about the event, or want to know if they should pick up more ice/beer/whatever on the way. If you only want couples, or only bi-females, or only single men, specify that! If you have some rules that you think are important, state them up front. For example, I have a basic rule that I expect men to use condoms with me always. So if I were to give a party, I would make that clear and I would also make sure I had a good supply of Trojans in various sizes! If you tell people what to expect, they are more likely to follow through (and you have clear indications for being pissed at those who fail to follow through!)

Basic hygiene, although no one wants to talk about it, is a big issue for a lot of people. If you're planning to get naked with someone, looking forward to serious kissing, anticipating having sex, hoping to have someone go down on you, fuck you in the ass, or any of the many possible person-to-person interactions that occur with consenting adults, for Pete's sake, get clean!! Brush your teeth, take a bath or shower with soap and water, avoid overly-intense fragrances, and use good common sense! (Don't forget to keep your toys clean also! Not a good policy to spread germs around to friends and lovers on your sex toys) No matter how cute you are, clean is even sexier!!

Honesty is an incredibly sexy thing!! Use your words. Talk to your partner, whether you just picked him up in a bar and don't actually know his whole name or you've been married to her for years. Don't say things like "I hate it when you do that" or "You are really bad at that". And, for God's sake, never say "My other lover was so much better at that". Those are not honest- those are stupid!! If you want to be with someone, say so. If you don't like how they are doing something, say "I love it when you do this" and maybe redirect their hands a little or change the position to what you need/want. Sometime before you actually come while she's sucking you is a good time to ask, "Do you want me to come in your mouth or somewhere else?" That's just basic good manners and you are much more likely to get a repeat encounter. Of course, it should go without saying that you should always inform your partner of any little STD's you might be carrying around (before, not after!!)- maybe you can find something to do together that won't spread those nasty little germs around until 1) you get that taken care of (in the cases where you might be able to take an antibiotic and get rid of it) or 2) you have given your partner a little more time to decide how much protection it is going to take for them to feel comfortable having sex with you. Which brings me back to that whole condom thing. The person who is asking for the condoms to be used (ideally, you should both be thinking that way, but I've found that isn't always the case) has the right to that choice- ALWAYS!! Don't try to talk her out of it. Don't tell her you are DDF (you can't really know that unless you haven't had sex with anyone else!). Don't say, "Oh, I don't have any condoms. I forgot". Just respect her decision and go with it! You get to make your own choices (sex with her with condom or no sex with her). If you seriously don't want to use the condoms, fine. You don't get that woman! Go find someone else. It's her body, it's her choice!

Be kind. Be considerate. Be respectful. Basic rules. They shouldn't be that difficult. Sometimes in the heat of the moment, or the anticipation of good sex, people can forget. It's probably all that blood rushing to the genitals or something. So, take a moment and think about it when your mind is not on sex. Chances are that if you learn a few of these simple sexual etiquette rules, you will have much better sex!! --

The End